Thinking or Feeling?

Last week I interviewed for a clinical pastoral education position at St. Luke’s Hospital.

I felt as if I learned more about self-reflection in less than one hour than I may have learned in the past 1.5 years. I discovered that I have a clear tendency to start with my head, to understand, to comprehend, or to know things. I have a much lower tendency to interface with the way I am feeling about a situation.

Do you find that you react most naturally to situations by thinking or with emotions?

“You anoint my head with oil”

“You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.” –Psalm 23:5, TNIV

Before I was appointed at Resurrection, I was not very familiar with the practice of anointing someone with oil. However, here I have found that it is a common practice and I have made it a part of my common practice.

When I am visiting someone before surgery, I will anoint their head with oil in the sign of the cross. After conversation with the individual and others in the room, I will read scripture - usually from Psalm 23 - anoint the person having surgery on her or his forehead in the sign of the cross and pray for healing. After I finish reading the scripture passage I say, “Oil has been used in the Old and New Testaments as a sign of God’s presence and for healing.” It also helpful that Psalm 23 mentions one’s head being anointed with oil.

Another occasion in which oil is used at Resurrection is at baptism. After the water has been used, the pastor will anoint the head of the person who has been baptized as another sign of God’s seal on the person.

Oil will also be used at occasions of prayer - for a particular need or for someone seeking guidance. Again placing oil on the thumb or finger and making the sign of the cross while saying the words “(name), I anoint you in the name of the Father, and the Son and the Holy Spirit.” Then entering into prayer with the individual.

I have found that this practice has been one that has added meaning and significance to a time of prayer.

It is Hard to Care

I had a conversation with a staff member in the hallway this afternoon that was too good not to share. I had been thinking about a conversation that I had just had on the phone and he could tell that I was a bit troubled. He stopped and asked how I was doing. I said that I was doing okay but was a bit troubled by the phone conversation. He responded,

It is just hard to care sometimes.

I started laughing out loud.

• What I heard was - It is hard to care about other people, it is better and easier just not to care.
• What he meant was - At times it is hard to share in the hurt of people’s lives and care for them.

Hearing the first and then realizing the second really made me laugh, which is good.

Grief is Like…

Last night, I had an amazing time with the grief support group at Resurrection. The group normally work through the GriefShare curriculum, and is great community. I was invited to lead the group for one evening.

The Holy Spirit was really at work as the ideas for the evening came together that afternoon and really took form as we were in the gathering together. I talked about Jesus stories of the Kingdom of Heaven is like… and asked them to consider how to finish the sentence: Grief is like… and wrote the ideas on the whiteboard in the room. I gave the first four examples and told stories about them and then they broke up into small groups and came up with the rest of the ideas.

Grief is like:

• Christmas Eve
• a scar
• holding your breath underwater
• an unfinished building
• a teenage break up
• riding a wave / tsunami
• a roller coaster
• being an amputee
• death or loss of a part of you
• your family is no longer your family
• losing your identity

There were stories that went with each of these examples / similes / parables. We reflected on John 16:16-24 and then I asked them to consider a change in the concepts which we had come up with together. I erased the word grief and in its wrote the word “hope” Hope is like… all the things above. The group helped me through transitioning all of the above concepts to how it might be like grief to how it might be like hope. The closing challenge was to finish that sentence - “Hope is like…” in our every day life. Maybe hope is like a dishwasher, your favorite shirt or a cup of coffee. Look for hope in every day life.

I could feel God’s presence among the group - particularly at the moment of transition from grief to hope. God is good!

What do you think grief is like? What do you think hope is like?

P.S. I Love You and Marriage Counseling

Last Friday, Nicole and I went to see P.S. I Love You at the theater. Fridays are our day off and it was Nicole’s turn to pick the movie. Who did we see there, but Jason Gant and Jason Watson. They were off to see Alien v. Predator - Requiem - quite a different genre of movie than we headed to see. Jason Gant challenged me to blog about the movie so here goes
One of the topics that I address with couples at whose wedding I will be officiating is how a conversation can escalate into a serious conflict. In the first scene of the movie Holly and Gerry (the main characters) are in a classic example of this type of escalating conflict in which each person pushes the emotional buttons of the other and things just gets worse. I am thinking about getting the DVD and playing it as an example of this with couples in the future.

The movie was also a story of a woman moving through grief. There are definitely healthier ways to move through grief than is portrayed in the movie. Nevertheless, it does provide a picture of the depth and strength of emotions at the loss of a spouse.

I give this movie 3 out of 5 stars. If you are thinking about watching it you can probably wait until it comes out on DVD.

What movies have you seen recently that have implications for the life of faith or ministry?

2008 Stewardship Campaign Follow Up

Last night I spent several hours making phone calls following up from the 2008 Stewardship Campaign - Simplicity, Generosity and Joy. I was a part of a team that made phone calls to persons who had made a commitment to give in 2007 and had not yet returned a commitment card for 2008. We let the person know that they had made a commitment in 2007 and had not yet returned one this year, then asked if there was anything going on in their family, if there was any way that we could provide care for them or help them fill out an estimate for this year.

I was a little nervous at first, but soon got into a rhythm of making calls. Answers included some of the following and more:

• I have already turned it in.
• I do not want to commit this year.
• My husband has been diagnosed with cancer.
• I have not gotten to it yet, could you mail out information to us?

The idea is that we are able to connect with people to see if there is anything going on in their life in relationship to their financial commitment to which the church might be able to respond. I found it to be a good way make a brief connection with people, encourage financial commitment and be able to respond to needs of the congregation.

What do you think about an annual stewardship campaign? What type of follow up do you think is most effective?

Collaboration of Teams

Earlier this month, the Congregational Care and Discipleship teams met together for the good part of a day. The purpose was for a time of mutual understanding and collaboration. This was the first time, to my knowledge, that these teams had met together. My sense was that there was some hesitancy on both sides in the morning, which changed to excitement about the possibilities for the future and we ended with cross team placement for continued work on ongoing projects. I think that collaborative efforts like this will continue to be an important part of life at Resurrection. It was certainly valuable for me - hearing other ideas for the ministry in which I was most directly engaged and also being able to get involved in some areas in which I have passion, but which may not be my direct responsibility.

So here is my question for you - How does this happen? At work, at home, at church - how do you effectively balance listening to others and collaborating on projects while continuing to fulfill primary responsibilities? I wonder if this question of effective collaboration is true for multiple teams in a church, individuals, and even among different organizations - paid or unpaid persons in all of these situations. I know that I have a lot to learn about how this effectively takes place. What do you have to offer?

Healing Service at Resurrection

This Thursday at 7:00 PM there will be a healing service in the Wesley Covenant Chapel at The United Methodist Church of the Resurrection. If you or someone you know is in need of healing or looking for wholeness, I invite you to come and be a part of this service.

Granger Community Church

On both Monday and Tuesday we experienced great hospitality from both Willow Creek and Granger Community Church. It has really been a great trip. We are headed back to Kansas City this morning - some more debriefing, brainstorming and networking on the bus is coming up.

Our bus pulled up to Granger yesterday morning after a bit of a crawl through early morning Chicago traffic. I really did not know what to expect from Granger. What I did know came mostly as a subscriber to LeadingSmart by Tim Stevens and Kem Meyer on Less Clutter & Noise. We arrived in time for lunch and we had lunch conversations with staff members at GCC that were active in a similar ministry area. Kathy Guy was at the table at which I had lunch. I was particularly appreciative of their Turning Point ministry which is based on a curriculum of the book Boundaries and play a similar role to all of the support groups that happen at Resurrection - it focuses on taking the next healthy step in life no matter what the situation. Good stuff.

After lunch, we took a building tour and they have a great facility. The children’s area is top notch in decor and environment. At certain grade levels the kids check in upstairs and then go down a slide to enter the classroom. I am not kidding. I took a ride on one of them and it was pretty fun! The worship space was a very basic space, but outfitted with huge video screens and a great lighting system. We watched a video of a baptism service in the summer and of a recent sermon series. The team at GCC also sent each of us on our way with what I expect to be some great resources - First Impressions, Simply Strategic Stuff, Simply Strategic Growth, and Simply Strategic Volunteers. Thanks!

We had time as a team to process some of what we had heard, seen and experienced at Willow and Granger in the afternoon. From Willow, one of the major topics of conversation was the implications of the Reveal study. We read the book as a team and I think that there are a lot of implications for Resurrection there as well as for many other congregations. From Granger, one of the major topics of conversation was around innovation. I think that at Resurrection we do excellence very well and that innovation is a growing edge for us. There are a lot of other questions in this area.

• What does it mean to be innovative?
• Is Granger innovative?
• Is Resurrection innovative?
• What type of interaction is there between innovation and excellence?

What do you think?

Marriage Check-Up: How to Plug the Leaks

Beginning on Wednesday from 7:00 to 9:00 PM, this six-week class for married couples will provide participants with a marriage checkup and the tools to create a fulfilling, lasting relationship. First, a marriage assessment will be completed using the ENRICH and MATE inventories. The second part of the class will focus on communication and conflict resolution to help strenghten grwoth areas. The fee to cover the inventory is $35.00 per couple. Facilitated by Suzanne Heffner, LCMFT, Marriage and Family Therapist and Paul Wilson, Ph.D., Psychologist.

This course is a part of the Living Forward Congregational Care Classes. These are offered by the pastors and staff of Congregational Care, these opportunities are intended to teach, nurture, encourage and care for you, your neighbors, family and friends. For more information, or to register for these classes, please contact Congregational Care at 913-544-0707 or www.cor.org/pastorate.